RETRO DVD Review (R2): THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE [2003]
The first time I saw The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) was at the cinema with my girlfriend and her brother, who is morbidly obsessed with the original version, and I left the cinema slightly perplexed over what I thought of it. The film, to me, seemed to be going out of its way to be the opposite of the original in every area that it possibly could, forcing me to ask the question why, in that case, it still wished to wave its ?remake credentials? so obviously in the face of anyone who gave it a seconds worth of attention.
For the remake-uninitiated TCM2003 (as we shall hereby refer to it within the confines of this review) deals with five friends travelling in the summer of 1973, in a beat up old camper van, from a brief holiday in Mexico to a rock concert a few hundred miles away. When they nearly hit a comatose girl wandering in the road (a suggested homage to the original heroine in the 1974 movie?s finale perhaps?), they pull over to offer her assistance. After putting the clearly distressed young lady inside the van, the group drive off to find help. However, when the young girl sees that they are travelling back from where she has just walked, she pulls a blood covered gun from in between her legs and shoots herself in the head [resulting in a clearly Michael Bay inspired shot whereby the camera zooms from the screaming youths, through the bloody exit wound in the girl?s head, through the gunshot hole in the rear window and onto the side of the dusty road in one shot!].
Now stuck with a dead carcass in the back of their van, the five friends arrive in a tiny, shanty redneck town and request to see the local sheriff in order to report the matter. The sheriff gives the kids the run around so they, you could say rather stupidly, split up in order to find him. Some stay at the van with the dead girl (you know, just in case she runs off or something!!) whilst the boyfriend and girlfriend combo (played by the delectable Jessica Biel and that dude from TV?s 24) head off in the direction that a local lady told them to in order to try and get a hold of the sheriff via telephone.
Following the directions given, the boyfriend and girlfriend duo come across a rundown mansion-like abode in the middle of a field and enter to get assistance. When only the girl comes back out again, she goes back to the van to raise the alarm? and the chainsaw is started up and the fun really begins!
I want to keep comparisons between the original 1974 Tobe Hooper version and last years Michael Bay produced remake, to an absolute minimum. In fact, hey, let?s just get as many of them out of the way right now so we can move past it: the original was an absorbing and genuinely disturbing horror film that was nigh on bloodless in its depiction of violence, the remake is as gratuitous and gory as they can possibly make it with subtly and the art of suggestion left firmly at the door. The original had a cast that looked like a collection of your common garden, good old average Joe or Josephine, the remake has a cast that looks like a collection of your common garden, good old buffed model or quirky clich?casting type. The original had a sense of anonymity in its bad guy that added to the aura of scariness and tension as you did not know who this Leatherface guy was or what and why he was doing what he was doing, the remake ? however ? not only gives our homicidal maniac a name [Thomas Hewitt], but a suggested motive and goes as far as to show our killer minus his mask of stitched flesh. Finally the original was all the more effective because of its simplicity ? a group of kids wander onto the property of a psychopathic killer and his cannibalistic family and get picked off one by one until only one is left to run and run and run whilst chased by said killer and his chainsaw ? whilst the remake decides to take the original premise and add subplots about stolen babies and inbred, small town conspiracies.
TCM2003 is, as I said, as far removed from the original movie as possible. In fact it would seem that had this version been released back in 1974 then it would have been more than worthy of the controversy and moral panic that surrounded the rather gore-free Tobe Hooper production that was savaged and labelled a ?video nasty? instead. Unlike the seventies portrayal, here we see limbs hacked off by the motored blade, we hear the crunch of bone and the tearing of flesh as meat cleavers carve through the human torso and people aren?t just suggestively dropped onto meat hooks anymore like ?back then?. Oh no, we see full impaling and ? as if that isn?t good enough ? watch as the aforementioned impaled individual attempts to escape only to re-impale themselves again!
Now with all that out of the way, let me be perfectly honest in saying that in respite of all of this TCM2003 isn?t really that bad at all actually? as a standalone movie! I?m not so much impressed by the film itself, but more by how entertaining I found it on a second (home) viewing.
Yes things do jar a little when viewing ? Biel is braless and bouncy until soaked and then all of a sudden a conveniently padded bra emerges underneath her dirty vest (sorry, but the pervert in me has to address this issue!), the little inbred brother of Leatherface? sorry Thomas Hewitt? who comes to the rescue of the doomed kids with the cringe-worthy ?Come with me if you want to live!? and R. Lee Emery as the demented sheriff, has now officially warn out the watchability factor on his Full Metal Jacket schtick.
However, the movie runs an effective three act structure, dividing its running time evenly; giving the first thirty minutes to exposition and ever so slight characterisation, the second to sudden bursts of horror and tension building and the final thirty minutes to an unrelenting series of chase sequences with some surprisingly scary set pieces strewn throughout. It is quite clever how they?ve edited TCM2003 together because ? coming to the movie for the first time ? you do find yourself tutting and muttering to yourself with a level of dissatisfaction and misty-eyed loyalty towards the original during the remake?s opening act yet when that first limb is severed at the knee (and the washing line is subsequently splashed with claret) you do actually find yourself settling in and taking TCM2003 onboard as a separate, entertaining entity all of its own. Hell, even the sight of AICN?s Harry Knowles? severed head (as pleasing on the eye as it is) doesn?t ruin the initial momentum once that first round of shocks is unleashed.
What?s most unexpected is the fact that a lot of the alterations that just should not work, surprisingly do; Giving Leatherface an identity and showing him without his mask on, having him attack wearing the face of the deceased boyfriend, giving him a subtly suggested motive for the attacks revolving around his warped protection of his family and retaliation for being bullied for his mutated, inbred face? All the things you read about in those initial preview reports that put you off are actually conveyed surprisingly well in the context of this movie. The feisty-heroine-who-turns-the-tables-on-her-predator element should actually come across as contrived and unnecessary but thanks to a hearty, realistic performance from Jessica Biel (come on? hands up who thought she was capable of it?) it?s the exact opposite.
However, not every modification works: the film?s climax (the third of four that come within the movie?s final act) in which Biel?s character steals back the child and goes all ?Sigourney Weaver? with a police car is uninteresting and uncalled for. In fact the whole ?stolen baby? thing is badly scripted, poorly conveyed and weighs down the tension that director Marcus Nispel has worked well to build up. The added plot point that every single character the kids come across is part of the mad/bad Hewitt clan and are all involved in the murderous rampage is especially jarring!
Now, having made enough of its own mark on the horror genre with some great make-up effects and set designs (Leatherface?s dungeon set up being very much a highlight), not to mention some considerably worthy shocks [when Leatherface? Thomas Hewitt? whatever he?s called Goddamnit, chases Biel?s character throughout the abattoir you genuinely do get suckered in for the ride, stamping your feet and gripping the arm of the chair as the scares come thick and fast and the wielding of the chainsaw gets even more carelessly close to Biel?s skin], TCM2003 should ? like The Italian Job 2003 and Dawn of the Dead 2004 ? have the brass-balls to just refer to itself by a different name, call its similarities a ?homage? and stand on its own two feet. Instead you find yourself unable to take it at face value like you would with, say, Wrong Turn or Cabin Fever and end up coming out with that phrase that?s getting over used with each passing release:
?Great film, but not a patch on the original version!?
DVD EXTRAS:
Disc ONE includes three separate audio commentaries covering production, technical aspects and the story. None of the commentaries comment on the fact that any franchise possibilities are dead in the water now seeing as sequel rights are too expensive, although allegedly prequels ? as reported on this very sight ? aren?t to be knocked [how does that work?]. And no one seems to proffer an explanation as to how a braless nubile young lady manages to find the time to put a padded bra on, just before going underneath a sprinkler system whilst being chased by a homicidal maniac. Sorry, I went off on one again!
Disc TWO has the standard photo/art gallery and TV spots. Also included is the cast screen tests (what and these were the best of the bunch?!?) and alternate opening/closing sequences that are so unmemorable that I only watched them forty minutes ago and I can?t remember what happens in them. The standout(s) on the disc though are the three documentaries: TCM ?Redux? covers the production of the remake, Ed Gein: The Ghoul of Plainfield is above average coverage of the real life serial killer (who inspired Alfred Hitchcock?s Psycho and the TCM franchise) and finally there?s a well put together Severed Parts documentary covering the make up and gory effects of the 2003 movie.
As a film measured off its own merits it is an entertaining ride and a non-embarrassing addition to the horror genre. As a remake it sits comfortably alongside The Italian Job, far far away from Planet of the Apes, but not close enough to touch Dawn of the Dead or Ocean?s Eleven.
First Published in April-04 on Filmrot.com
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