*UK EXCLUSIVE* [Movie Review] THE SPIRIT
Sometimes you just ‘know’ right? Sometimes the tingling in your gut pays off. Sometimes you just need to go with a quote that I’m going to brazenly attribute to Albert Einstein, namely that “if it looks like shit, smells like shit and has the texture of shit then you don’t need to taste it to find out it isn’t a Snickers bar!” (Okay, it is my own quote. I admit it. But it’s kind of like something Einstein would say don’t you think?)
I cannot bring myself to write a “proper review” for this film. I’m sorry. But I can’t. The fact that I endured it and will never get that time back is enough I should think. I was conned into seeing this film. They told me it was Australia. I dragged my arse out of my ’sick bed’ (I’m currently recovering from a minor op!) for it and then fifteen minutes before hand they told me they had the dates wrong and we were actually seeing Frank Miller’s The Spirit.
Well… I was livid. Absolutely livid. I could allow you to assume that such anger, the pain in my testicles post-op and the fact that this wasn’t what I’d pulled myself back up on my feet for, would all be reasons that would affect my judgement of this film – i.e. circumstances working against my enjoyment. I’m quietly confident that you will, at some point in your life (please wait for it to appear free on TV – don’t pay to see this!), catch this film and realise that this is not the case. The film is just bad, plain bad. You could be getting blown by Jessica Biel in the back row of the cinema whilst watching this, and you’re still going to be unhappy with The Spirit.
As great a comic book ‘legend’ as Frank Miller is, as a director of motion pictures I genuinely question his ability. From the ground up, the film is awash with piss-poor judgement at Miller’s hands – his casting choices, his sense of tone, his visual eye… they’re all completely off. Miller does not know whether he is making a companion piece to Sin City, a pulpy stylised noir or a campy romp. Where’s our entrance point as an audience member if the man holding the reins does not have a clue.
Then there’s the performances. I’m not going to lie to you, there are some STUNNING women in this film and they are beautifully captured (all hail to Eva Mendes, Sarah Paulson, Scarlett Johannsen etc. etc. etc.) but they’re not handled well and are only their to be looked at, not considered. Samuel L. Jackson is doing high-camp (and I mean HIGH camp!) whilst the film’s horrific lead, Gabriel Macht, is trying for something earnest and measured. It’s just a mess, an utter mess.
We’re meant to engage with the story and the characters offered to us by Miller but the tone is just so bizarrely mishandled that you sit there, slowly beginning to realise that there is no danger or peril because these are just ‘living cartoons’ who can hit each other with the most absurd of objects for the most absurd amount of time and nothing bad will happen to them. On and on The Spirit goes – trundling excessive, mishandled, cartoon violence before throwing in some close up shot of female cleavage or butts, and occasionally throwing in a piece of dialogue so leaden and awful that it makes your jaw hit the floor.
I came out of this screening with the older film critic I respect greatly. We walked outside and lit a couple of cigarettes. I asked when this was coming out. He confirmed New Years Day – January 1st 2009. I suggested that there was something considerate about them putting this out on the first day of the New Year. “Why’s that?” he asked.
“We had to wait a good five to six months to get to the true turkeys of 2008.” I replied. “At least with this, they’re getting it out of the gate super-early!”
“You honestly think this could be the worst film of 2009?” he asked?
“Would you like to believe there could be worse then this?”
We both shuddered.
It wasn’t from the cold.
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7 Responses to “*UK EXCLUSIVE* [Movie Review] THE SPIRIT”
DAYUM. I read a review from The Hollywood Reporter and they compared it to Chinese Water Torture. Literally.
gazz do you have to give it a popcorn? is the lowest score zero popcorns or half a popcorn?
anyways.
i like the character in the movie…i love the spirit…hes badass. hes just AWESOME. but i hate sam jackson and all the sluts in the movie and they brought that movie to shit
the very very very first trailer, the teaser, i loved. it showed him walking and putong on the suit and saying his catchphrase and jumping on buildings and they showed NO ONE ELSE. that 50 second trailer was great because there were no whores and no jackson in it. then the first real trailer came out and i was so sad and disappointed…i cant be happy about this film being bad because i loved the novel and its such a shame
if the movie had ONE girl (the blond one) and she wasnt a whore, but a real down to earth lady and there was a villain that didnt say lame lines and dressed in a normal suit (no “im the octopus, i have 8 of everything” bullshit) it would be a fantastic movie. and of course the spirit…who just happens to be so awesome
really sad you didn’t like it gazz, i really really hate the feeling when i leave the theater and i say “ugh that movie was ****ing horrible”
I’d take the torture.
The lowest rating we can award is NO POPCORNS. Many have achieved this. The Spirit escaped with one popcorn due to the female flesh on show. And that’s clutching. Trust me.
Yeah, for me, a movie has to be so bad that I foam at the mouth and go into an absolute blind rage to warrant no popcorns. Even a movie that I think sucks can get one poppy if the actors do a good job and it is the crap script that ruins the film, or vice versa. Most of the time, I can find a silver lining on a bad movie.
lmao ^^^
i think that one of the bad things about the movie WAS the vulgar sluts that pop up every 2 scenes (i haven’t seen it but im sure im right)
and if anyone sees bitch slap and does NOT give it a 0% or 0 popcorns or a 0/10 i will seriously question human kind
i think that “street car named desire” was a ****ing -10. all it shows is women getting hit and guys bowling and raping women and at the end the moral and message is that the women are crazy and blanche goes to an asylum and nothing happens to the rapist (stanley)
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