*UK EXCLUSIVE* [Movie Review] DEATH RACE
I can’t speak for Wyv and Kris but when it comes to reviewing movies, I tend to give every movie a blank slate. I could go in thinking that every movie is shit and let it earn its “popcorns” as it advances, but I work the opposite. I go in treating every movie like it could be “gold”. I give it a ‘five popcorn’ start and then sit back to take note of what it loses along the way.
There are some exceptions though. The movies of Paul WS Anderson are definitely an exception to this rule. I’ve been burnt far, far, far too many times by him. He’s had opportunity after opportunity up there with some pretty stellar properties and he’s fucked up each and every one of them. I should be a little more protective and complimentary of the guy because he is from my hometown but… fuck him… he’s a horrific director who normally has a hand in the shoddy screenplays that he is working from.
Shopping was a horrible movie that I never was able to understand the kudos it was extended as a “directorial calling card of note”. Plus it had the double screen evil of Sadie Frost AND Jude Law. Then there was Mortal Kombat which to say it is ”one of the better game-to-movie adapations” is a bit like saying HIV is better then full blown AIDs. Many consider Event Horizon to be an enormously under-rated movie. To those “many” I say “Stay the fuck away from me weirdo or I will punch you in the face!” Anderson then went on to make a barely watchable Kurt Russell movie called Soldier. How the fuck can you do that Mr Anderson? Russell is nothing if not watchable, even when he is in utter shit! Hell, Captain Ron was watchable! You fucked up! He should have had his DGA card taken away but instead he was handed the proverbial keys-to-the-kingdom when he managed to bag the Resident Evil job from out of under George A. Romero’s nose and then made a turgid, horrible, nigh on unbearable movie that somehow spawned a franchise. I couldn’t put down any less then 200 words on my utter hatred of Alien Vs Predator. An abomination of a movie that he actually storied and scripted to boot!
So you can understand that when it comes to Anderson’s films I don’t give him ANY “head-start” whatsoever. Everyone deserves a second chance, I admit that. But a seventh or eighth? No way! Then again, for the purposes of full integrity, I did write this article. I did get relatively intrigued about the potential area for ‘guilty pleasure’ status in a Paul WS Anderson flick after watching the trailer for Death Race. Was I wrong to consider lowering my standards?
Now, I’m not a big enough fan of the Roger Corman original to believe that Death Race 2000 isn’t beyond a remake, a reimagining, a reboot, a reshuffle - whatever you want to call it. But there was a degree of ‘bite’ and invention with that original movie. It should only seem fair that any remake took that ‘bite’ and invention and went from there right? Speaking as someone who can find the proverbial ‘diamond in the rough’ in many a shitty, throwaway movie I’m not opposed to a stupid, piece-of-shit movie that amounts to nothing more then loud, relentless, in-your-face car-mageddon hysterics.
However, there’s only so far that I’m prepared to lower my tolerance level for “stupid” action fare. Luc Besson’s B-grade genre entries like The Transporter movies, District 13 etc. are great guilty pleasures. But if Paul WS Anderson’s Death Race remake was an actual human then it would be the type of person who tries to fuck an electric fence and/or thinks MTV’s Jackass is the “greatest TV show ever made” but that The Sopranos and The Wire are “shit”.
The plot, this time round, sees ex-racing-driver Jensen Ames (Statham) framed for the murder of his wife, subsequently imprisoned and forced by the nefarious warden (Joan Allen) of the prison to compete in society’s most popular sport, which she so happens to be the controller of: a car race in which inmates must brutalise and kill one another on the road to earning freedom.
Jason Statham is fast becoming the ultimate king of B-movie fodder like this and, for a guy that seemingly knows and stays within the confines of his limitations, he’s a likeable presence. He’s supported by Ian McShane and Joan Allen, both extremely talented and gifted performers, who have both clearly looked at Statham’s abilities and the screenplay itself and thought “Fuck it, let’s have some fun eh?”
There’s moments where the various bouts of carnage, violence and high speed mayhem sort of beligerantly get in your face and refuse to leave until you bow yourself over and come to accept this as a form of entertainment. But deep down, as much as you allow yourself to consider this as passable entertainment, you know that it is utter shit. The opening David Carradine cameo may lead many to consider this a sort-of sequel to the original Corman production but the screenplay is beyond inane (Statham’s hero meets and recognises his wife’s murderer within the battle arena by a simple hand gesture. What? Is the gun-symbol with your finger not that common in AndersonLand?) and intelligent-insulting in its daftness, so core fans of the 1975 original will just not tolerate this.
In the hands of someone like David R. Ellis (the man responsible for a lot of the now defunct New Line’s most solid B-movie fare like Cellular and Snakes on a Plane) or, wishful thinking, John Carpenter a remake of Death Race 2000 could of been a really good, sensational piece of Friday/Saturday night B-movie fare. But we’re stuck with Paul WS Anderson on both directing AND scripting duties so it’s a hard slog from the get-go. He is an ‘action director’ that seems incapable of shooting action sequences. He seems to have completely missed the point of the original AND left abscent from this remake the very qualities that made the original so much politically incorrect fun (fans of the ‘people mean points’ aspect of the 1975 movie are going to be EXTREMELY disappointed here).
So this screening may have been free, and it is possible that this might (doubtful though!) have played better on DVD whilst I was liquored up, but I genuinely only went to this so that I could make sure my advance tickets for Tropic Thunder and Pineapple Express were secured. If I’d paid to see this opening weekend I would have felt so ripped off. Who the hell is it for anyway? That’s what I asked the ‘Marketing Bods’ at this screening? It’s too moronic for an adult audience and it’s too irresponsible and overly violent for the early teens that will probably lap this shit up on DVD.
As an actor Statham isn’t worth the time of day, but as an ‘action presence’ the bloke is good value. The same cannot be said for Tyrese Gibson playing the (is-he-or-isn’t-he-gay) Machine Gun Joe (originally essayed by Sly Stallone in the original), but - as I said - McShane and Allen are on ripe, pantomime form and the film is so frantic and unrelenting that it becomes somewhat passable.
However, nothing can shake the fact that Anderson has delivered another crappy half-baked too-stupid-for-words movie. You can watch this, you can find moments to enjoy for a brief moment within it but there’s no escaping the fact that, by the time the end credits roll out just under ninety minutes later, you will feel dirty and as if you have been fucked in the eyes!
And whoever did the fucking has no intention of returning your calls, let alone giving you a kiss on the cheek goodbye! BUT a fucking is a fucking after all huh? So allow me to be severely over-generous towards this idiotic mess:
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3 Responses to “*UK EXCLUSIVE* [Movie Review] DEATH RACE”
Ahahahahahaaaaaa!
Looked like garbage, and you just confirmed it!
I feel as if this review does the film the justice it deserves! The rating? I just couldn’t bring myself to give ANY film with Joan Allen in it, anything less then two “popcorns”. So sue me!
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