[Movie Review] SEVEN POUNDS
I like to consider myself to be a pretty tough chick. I’m not a whiner or a crier, but sometimes a film will just hit me in such a way that the waterfall starts and won’t stop. WALL-E destroyed me this year in this sense, and now Seven Pounds has stepped up to bat. The plot of the film has been something of a mystery, as the trailers and ads have been purposely vague. I had a sneaking suspicion that this film was aiming for my tear ducts, so I prepared myself for the tearjerker of the year. The guy behind The Pursuit of Happyness directed this (another movie that destroyed me), so I was ready for a good movie that would emotionally annihilate me.
Well, I didn’t have to worry too long about boo-hooing in public, because the movie sucks. It is a boring, manipulative piece of crap, and I deem it my duty to warn all of you not to stumble into a theater playing this. It is a terrible film, and the problems that this film is plagued with cannot be discussed without going into spoiler territory. I’m going to invisotext the spoilers and give you warning prior to the invisotexting so that you don’t accidentally highlight it, okay? Until then, I have to be very vague about my criticism of this film and tell you only what the film synopsis allows. Will Smith plays a man named Ben Thomas, an IRS agent who has mysterious reasons for helping seven strangers with their personal problems. Along the way, he falls in love with Emily Posa, played by the lovely Rosario Dawson, and faces hard decisions about his elaborate plan to help the seven people.
For starters, this film is a flat-out bore. I was very interested in the fractured narrative that gives you bits and pieces of the puzzle without putting it all together until the end. I was enjoying that I had to figure out what was going on rather than being spoon-fed, but this novelty wears off as I began to realize that the full puzzle was not only uninteresting, but completely and utterly implausible. I can go along with an implausible story. Let’s face it, as much as I love The Dark Knight, that story is implausible as all hell. If a film is entertaining me, I can ignore the implausibilities of a plot, but this film is simply not entertaining. Look, I’m one of the first in line to throw stones at Big Willie for depending more on his public persona than his acting ability, but moping, looking depressed, and occasionally screaming does not equate with acting. This film could have used…I’m not saying that this is a film that requires an “AWW HAIL NAW!”. This isn’t that kind of movie. But for me to go with this film, Ben needs to be more of an interesting character than he is. I just did not care, and by the time his final scenes roll around, I was laughing at how absurd the film has become. It does not work. A character that has little back-story or information given about him has to hook the audience some kind of way, and this guy is such a dull, morose person that I found it a wonder that anyone could stand to be around him or more than two minutes, much less fall in love with him. It could have used a little of that natural charm that Will possesses, but it just plods on with no end in sight.
The supporting players have nothing to do here, and with a cast including the likes of Rosario Dawson, Barry friggin’ Pepper, and Woody Harrelson, it was a shame that they were so underused. Dawson is a lovely woman and I’m a fan of hers, but she has nothing to do here except look sick and fall head over heels for a man simply because he’s there, he’s convenient, and he acts as her white knight. She has some pretty powerful issues here, but they seem to be deployed in a made-for-TV manner. As soon as you see her for the first time, you know exactly where this is going to go, and it hits every expected mark. Moments that could have been profound in a better script come across as so hammy and laughable here. Barry Pepper is barely even here, and that is a shame. You may not know him by name, but you know that face, and you know that the dude can act his ass off. I was stunned at how little he is given to do. Woody Harrelson is pretty much a glorified cameo.
And now, I’m going into spoiler detail. If you do not want this, just scroll ahead to my concluding remarks and popcorn grade. If you want it spoiled, highlight away: Alright, the big problem here is this plan that the entire story hinges upon. Turns out, Ben Thomas isn’t Ben Thomas. Big Willie is playing a guy whose real name is Tim, who is masquerading as his brother Ben, to get information about these people. He feels guilty about a car accident that he caused, which killed his fiancee and six other people. He wants to atone for this by…wait for it…COMMITTING SUICIDE and giving his organs to seven people who he deems to be “good people”. Say wha? Yes, he kills himself in this movie, and his entire grand scheme is not only completely nutty, but nonsensical as well. When the realization of what this film was going to do, I was stunned into disbelief, and then began to laugh heartily. The movie tries to be something profound and turns into something ridiculous instead. And don’t even get me started on the suicide scene, one of the most nutty things I’ve ever seen. He has to kill himself without damaging the organs that he is going to donate, so what does he do? He gets into a tub in his motel, fills it with ice and water, dumps a JELLYFISH into the tub, and sits there as the jellyfish stings him to death. Yeah. Yeah. I was just stunned at how dumb this movie had allowed itself to become, and I am very interested in how the general public is going to respond to this film, which I would argue as being the darkest of Will Smith’s career. That ending is going to appall a lot of people, particularly the folks who raised hell over Million Dollar Baby and how that film supposedly turned suicide into something noble. I can go with a story of someone trying to make up for past sins, but this plot twist does not work at all. The film does do a good job of setting up the twist, but the twist itself is absurd.
So, this movie begins as a fairly intriguing puzzle that deteriorates into something so stupid that even Uwe Boll would be ashamed to claim it as his film. I’m so glad that I managed to get into a screening and didn’t have to pay for this, but for the rest of you, I urge you and yours to avoid this puppy like the plague. Seven Pounds tries to be a heavy film, but it could stand to lose some major weight.
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9 Responses to “[Movie Review] SEVEN POUNDS”
i knew it would be shit.
Awww, damnit man. I really had high hopes for this. Sorry but I did. This is going to be a review screener for me then. I certainly won’t pay to see it after reading this and I know that I’m not on the list for the press screening for it so the chance of seeing it for free has gone too.
Ahhh man. I expected mediocre at best but this sounds like an utter turkey!
And GREAT review Kris. See what a goddamn talented little sod you are at film journalism when you’re not trying to be overly controversial?
Loved the review – gutted at what decision it made you come to though!
One popcorn?
It starts out okay, but the deterioration that the film makes in terms of quality was just mind-boggling. No one embarasses themselves save for the screenwriter, but I was just so bored by the thing, and then they hit you with that ending that had half the crowd sobbing and half the crowd shaking their heads in disgust and disbelief. I’ve talked to people who enjoyed the film. You might enjoy it more than I did, but I did not like this film.
i apologize for the last comment. it wasnt “shit” i just saw it and loved it…
i didnt cry at all
..almost
and goddamn was that dog awsome
Think before you type in future sir!
i know i know. sorry…its just that when i saw the trailer..i said “wow this is going to blow chunks”
but then i saw it and liked it. its not for everyone really
i agree with half the things kristina said though…i mean suicide IS bad…but i guess hed rather sacrifice his after life for others and thats in a way a noble thing. id rather go to hell for that then going to hell for killing others. i dont support suicide im just saying theres people going to hell for murder or selling babies. this guys going to hell because he sacrificed his life and afterlife to save 7 people….or maybe god can see through that
maybe im overthinking it
Like I said, some people are loving this film, and Hazzy’s one of them. I can see how people would be moved by the film, but I was not one of them. I didn’t hate it strictly because of any moral/religious beliefs in regards to Smith’s choice, but I just found the film to not be very good.
This is so bad. I am sitting in the theater watching this movie and googling is this movie stupendously boring or what!!!the answer is a resounding yes. People save your money and don’t buy the dvd when it comes out either this just sucks big time I want to go home but my hubby won’t let me. : (
The movie was great.
See it and dismiss the ignorance of people who expect every movie to cater to their idiotic formulas.
The movie is quite plausable and even a common daily occurance – so ignore the stupdity of the main review.
This movie is like a person hated by someone who hates good people, but after meeting him you realize that the hater just hates people who have morals and ethics.
See the movie and bring some tissues.
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