[Movie Review] HANCOCK
Here in the States, it seems that the 4th of July has become synonymous with Will Smith. If this guy doesn’t have a movie out, we Americans just don’t know what to do with ourselves. I still remember the best 4th I ever had: going to see Independence Day with my best friend. But lately, I’ve grown pretty tired of Big Willie’s sthick. Will Smith can act his tail off when he wants to. Problem is, he doesn’t want to, 95% of the time. He’s mostly content to rely on taking his genial public persona and slapping it up on a screen. He knows that we as a movie-going public will flock to his stuff like flies to poop, but it’s time to put Big Willie under a microscope and hold him accountable. That accountability starts with Hancock, a film ripe with promise, starting with it’s premise of a screwup superhero. So, does Big Wilie deliver on that promise?
No. No. No. No. Did I say NO already? I’m sure you read some bad reviews for this thing and wondered if critics were simply being overly harsh. Lord knows, I was willing to give Big Willie the benefit of the doubt before I actually laid eyes on this thing. The worst part of this mess is that it starts out well, but descends into a mind-boggling mess so unforgivable that it wrecks the film as a whole. Now, I am warning you upfront that spoilers will be coming in this review. I literally cannot discuss the problems of this movie without giving spoilers, so if you want to go in clean, turn away now.
Still here? Okay. By now, I’m sure you know the basic plot outline. Big Willie plays Hancock, a drunken superhero whose acts of so-called heroics cause more damage than they solve. The city of LA, Hancock’s home base, has grown sick and tired of the guy, and is calling for his head. When he saves the life of a do-gooder PR agent named Ray (Jason Bateman), Ray decides to pay Hancock back by giving him an image makeover, much to the delight of his young son and the chagrin of his wife Mary (Charlize Theron). Now, like I said before, this sounds interesting, but the execution is sloppy, sloppy, sloppy. I’m gonna start with performances. Big Willie actually does a damn good job in this film for about the first 2/3 of its runtime. I’m so used to seeing him as the likable hero that it was a hoot to see him as a booze-swilling, curse-spewing jerk. He’s incredibly funny, particularly in his interactions with the people who despise him. There’s a certain seven-letter swear word that sets Hancock off in a hilarious way, and it’s a fun running joke. However, after the plot twist comes, all the joy from his performance is sucked away as he is forced to play things morose and angry. Jason Bateman…I’ve honestly never gotten the hype over the guy. People claim that he’s so funny, but I never got it. Didn’t get it after Juno, and I still don’t after Hancock. He’s not bad in the movie by any stretch, but I found him to be incredibly average. Anyone could have played that role, or even bettered it, in my opinion. The trailers lead you to believe that he’s involved in this film a lot more than he really is, so if you’re going into this expecting to see him a lot, you’ll be disappointed. He’s a factor in the film, but not nearly as much as Charlize Theron, whose role is also disguised in the trailer. At first, all she does is glare at Hancock at every possible moment, but then her role suddenly increases in the last 1/3 of the film. I know she’s won an Oscar, but I found her to be TERRIBLE in this film. Her performance is as subtle as a sledgehammer to the head. The constant shifty/teary-eyed glances screamed “PLOT TWIST!”, so that when the moment came, it lacked any punch. I literally threw my hands up and said, “No duh!”. She only gets worse as the film goes on. The dialogue that comes out of her mouth is nothing short of preposterous. But I cannot blame that entirely on her.
The script is just plain lazy and awful. At first, the film is focused on Hancock’s rehabilitation from a jerk to a hero, but the film takes a schizophrenic turn as it begins to delve into Hancock’s backstory. After Hancock makes his debut as a proper hero, where does the film have to go? You’ve built up his rehab as the driving force of the plot, but that’s out of the way, and we’ve still got about half an hour left in this movie. A scene in a restaurant marked the point when the film’s tone took a turn for the worst. Hancock begins to reveal little tidbits about his past, like the fact that he doesn’t age. All the while, Mary is shooting him these odd looks. Back at Ray’s house, Hancock tries to make a move on her, and she throws him out of the house. Literally. Turns out, she’s a superhero, too! Joy! Cool twist, right? Uh, no. Not only do they blow this juicy opportunity by letting Mary use her powers in ONE scene, they jumble up the film by clogging it with mythology concerning Hancock’s origins that MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE. The film literally makes up the rules for his powers as the film goes. There is zero consistency. At one point, we are told that Hancock and Mary are immortal, and have been around since the dawn of time. Next, we are told that they were separated 80 years ago. A few scenes later, we hear some garbage about how the other immortals paired off and died (if they stay together, they become mortal and die). Then, we’re told that Hancock is turning mortal. A few scenes after that, we’re conveniently told that attackers always come through Mary to get to Hancock just as some random thugs show up and shoot Mary to get to Hancock. Then, it’s implied that they are symbiotically connected a la Elliot/ET, as Mary screams her ass off as Hancock gets his ass handed to him by the “villain” (I put that in quotes because this person is literally in two scenes before the film suddenly decides to make him the main big bad, and by then, we don’t care. Scene 1: He robs a bank. Scene 2: He gets sent to jail, and all of a sudden, Scene 3: shows up at a hospital to murder Hancock). Now, this stuff could have been told with no problem throughout the course of the entire film. Cramming it all into the last thirty minutes is too much, too fast, and quite frankly, insults my intelligence.
Mary is willing to attack Hancock with her powers, but warns him not to tell Ray, who doesn’t know that she is immortal. Now, if she is IMMORTAL and is married to a normal guy, don’t you think that he will figure out what’s going on when he hits 50 and she still looks 30? Did she not think about that? Why is it that during the first bit of the film, she’s dressed in regular clothing, but once the secret comes out, she throws on “bad girl” clothes and two tons of eyeliner, but she’s not the villain? She doesn’t want Ray to find out, but is more than willing to use her powers in DOWNTOWN LA right next to her husband’s office building. When Ray is told the truth, he barely seems to comprehend the fact that his wife is going to outlive him by leaps and bounds, not to mention the fact that she is already “technically” married to Hancock (told you, makes crap up as it goes!). It’s just rushed through without a bit of finesse.
Speaking of no finesse, the script isn’t the only thing jumbled up in this film. Every element, from cinematography to score, is just AWFUL. The camera is all handheld, and the camera moves and shakes and spins CONSTANTLY. I kid you not, there’s a scene where Hancock is being cheered in the streets, and the camera does a Michael Bay-spin around him at LEAST six times. During simple dinner scenes, the camera is in seizure mode, and it drove me insane. The score is just awful. Awful, awful, awful. First off, these odd, ODD music cues came from nowhere. There’s a scene where Hancock literally shoves a man’s head up another man’s ass, and the theme song from Sanford and Son starts to play. WHY? The music score is equally confusing. A serious scene like one between Mary and Hancock in his trailer has this happy-go-lucky sitcom music playing. It was, hands down, the worst score I’ve ever heard. I’ve never noticed film music that was so horribly out of place until this film. Just horrible.
So yeah, this thing is a mess. The first hour or so is great, but it just nosedives like crazy after that. My advice: watch the first half and then leave. Big Willie did his job of selling this movie to the public, since the theater was sold out, but this is the second film in a row from Mr. Smith that started out well and just tanked. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on my wallet. I’m not giving Big Willie the benefit of the doubt any more. He may be king of the box office, but every reign must come to an end. I’m not ready to sound the death knell for his career, but I’ll think twice before going to another Big Willie extravaganza.
19 Responses to “[Movie Review] HANCOCK”
You know, I’ll wait for the unrated DVD of this one.
I don’t know if the unrated DVD(if they ever release it) will be much better. Word was coming back from early, EARLY test screenings that this movie was FUBAR. The film originally had an R-rated cut, but the studio frantically chopped it down to PG-13. They cut out a scene of statutory rape(Hancock nailing an underage girl) which involved Hancock blowing his super-load through the roof of his trailer much like that Superman chat in Mallrats, but I don’t know if the studio will want that footage on the DVD. We’ll see.
I know all about that stuff. I know about all the problems this movies had, regarding test screening and shit. Which is why I’m hoping to see an unrated cut of it.
And hey, the theme to Sanford and Son is welcome in any situation. Any.
Not when a man is running around with another guy’s head up his ass
Any.
No!
“You big dummy!”
“I ain’t afraid to give you one across the lips.”
“I warn you, woman, vengeance is among me! And ugly is among you.”
“You just suck on that sucker, sucka.”
“I’m gonna put five of these where you sneeze.”
“I’m calling you ugly, I could push your face in some dough and make gorilla cookies.”
“We could have a little pork and beans now and a little zucchini later. Or a little zucchini now and a little pork and beans later. Or if you like the pork and beans, you can have them and I’ll take the zucchini or I can take the pork and beans and you the zucchini so what will it be? Zucchini or pork and beans?”
Game. Set. Match.
Yeah. I’m tired of looking for quotes
Kristina you accepted defeat well too easily there, my girl! Although I have to admit if it’d gone on any longer between you two I would have been suggesting the two of you get a bloody room!
The day that I came to publish my review for this flick I saw yours up already and I was blown away – we are absolutely nigh on word for word with each other on nearly every plus point and every negative. Seriously.
We are in total agreement with one another!
Although, yet again, your review was exceptionally better written then mine!
Bitch!
(Joking!)
You should still publish your review. The more hatred for Hancock, the more room for Hellboy II love!
It would be a bit pointless, usually when me and you double up on reviews it’s because we’re either of two different opinions or we’re coming at our love/hate from two different angles.
Here, with HANCOCK, point for point, paragraph by paragraph, you’ve covered absolutely everything I wanted to say.
I’ve read the TONIGHT HE COMES screenplay and believe it or not, you wouldn’t think it from the whole film, but there’s a lot of stuff still carried over but they’ve made it almost incidental (i.e. the whale throwing etc. etc.) and, I don’t care what anyone says, there is no way in hell Will Smith would star in a movie where he ****s a fourteen year old girl whilst drunk, ejaculates and blows her through the roof of his caravan before (it’s suggested) trying to bury her “corpse” in the sand outside his home, only to have to come to terms with the fact that she isn’t actually dead… just sticky! lol
Charlize Theron is horrific in this, I will add that little shot in there though!
I read that script as well, and I found it to be near impossible to market to a wide audience. I mean come on. A superhero who bangs prostitutes and kidnaps/nearly rapes the woman he claims to love? If people thought the first Hulk was too dark, they would have HATED that thing.
Alternate Titles:
‘Handjob’ and
‘Wanted (someone who knows how to write a film script)
I just finished watching two of the worst films ever. One was called ‘Handjob’ or ‘Hancock’ or something or nothing, and the other film was called ‘Wanted’ or to give it it’s full title ‘Wanted; someone who knows how to write a script, for immediate employment’.
Watching these films was like having hot wax dripped onto your balls, but not in a pleasant way either.
It’s clear to all that a long time ago the equation for making an American action film was formerly computed by the pencil necked gonad lovers of Hollywood, etc, and since then they have been endlessly churning out their same old patented sloppy shit.
Recently, though, I’ve noticed that amazingly the standard of these films have plummeted still further into the depths of crapdom. Read no storyline, zero acting, same lame action sequences and a generous helping of gun crime, murder and genocide.
The truth is now clear to all and sundry that the film companies must be bankrolled by the arms manufacturers who fund these hour or so long adverts for their wares. In the same way that we witness one senseless murder after another, so the making of these films only serve their designed purpose. i.e, exporting violence, murder and gun crime to all corners of the planet.
James McAvoy said at the end of ‘Wanted’…. blah, blah, bollocks, something about killing sooooooooo many baddies, “what have you done today?”. What he was really saying is, ‘ I know this was a shit movie but could you do any better, you the tosser who watches this crap?’
Verdict: More cynical crud from the cock faces who make this kind of turdage. :horny:
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