[GUEST REVIEW - 2 of 2] Movie Review: GOOD LUCK CHUCK
So we hit you up with Part One of Kristina’s Guest Review of The Kingdom; a film I am really, really pumped about seeing! Here’s Part Two of Kristina’s Guest Review double-bill and it should come with some sort of warning… When our favourite lady doesn’t like a film, boy does she not like a film! She’ll make your eyes water, your balls retract and your poop-tunnel shrink in telling you why she doesn’t like it. And to think: This review is Kristina at her most diluted! LOL! 
Next up is Good Luck Chuck, an abomination, a curse of epic proportions cast upon us all by Dane Cook and Jessica Alba. The trailers looked like catshit, but the premise had potential: a guy is cursed so that whenever he sleeps with a girl, she’ll dump him and marry the next guy she meets. Hot chicks line up at this guy’s office to get him to screw him so that they can get married, until he meets his true love (cue the fucking violins).
I walked in apprehensive and walked out bored and pissed. Let’s just get this mini-rant out of the way first, okay kids? DANE COOK IS NOT FUCKING FUNNY. He has never made me laugh, and if he keeps appearing in dreck like this, he never will. His fans (and what the fuck is wrong with your brain if you like THIS guy?!) will be sorely disappointed, as he plays the straight man to Jessica Alba.
Yeah, that’s right, you didn’t know Jessica Alba is funny? No? Know why? Because she’s not. It was really painful to watch her in this film, in more ways than one. First off Jess, just because you fall over/trip over/crash/spill food/giggle a lot while injuring people/slip does not make you funny. Simon Pegg is funny. You are not. Stick with what brings in the bread: being hot and not talking. Speaking of that, goddamn does she look skinny in this film. For those of you poor unfortunate souls actually going to see this travesty, watch her in Sin City and then look at her in this. There’s a scene where she’s wearing a skintight wetsuit, and she looked borderline Nicole Ritchie. Not hot, honey.
Anyways, Dane Cook’s Charlie meets and falls for Alba’s Cam (who works in a fucking penguin exhibit at Sea World, which completely destroys a major plot point of this movie. If Cam is such a klutz, how is she allowed to work around these precious animals? She would have slaughtered the lot of them, but oh well), but he’s afraid to fuck her for fear of losing her. After that, the whole thing just unravels.
This is billed as a romantic comedy, yet it was neither. There is nothing romantic in the slightest about this. Guys, unless your girlfriend is hot for Dane Cook(or for Alba), don’t bring her to this. She may get a bunch of shots of Cook fucking girls Kama Sutra style, but you’ll be punished by watching a marathon of Sex and the City, I guarantee you. Cook and Alba have ZERO chemistry, and I never once bought them as a couple in love. It was supposed to be a comedy, yet I didn’t find myself laughing at anything the leads did.
The sole bright spot in this movie is Charlie’s sidekick, played with manic energy by Dan Fogler. I wish he’d been the lead instead of Cook, because he was the only thing even remotely entertaining about this movie. If you’ve seen any romcom, you know going in what you’re gonna get, but the problem is you get a mediocre version of it. You’ll get a mediocre meet-cute followed by a mediocre break-up, then a mediocre sad montage and so on and so forth.
For you males reading this, there are a TON of tit shots in this movie, but you can see that at home on your computers for free. Yeah, Alba gets half-naked and you do get a BRIEF flash of the side of her tit(although knowing her and her no-nudity clause, it was probably a body double), but not even that could save this flick.
It’s trash, it’s shit, it’s a flick to be avoided. Scale of 1-10, I’ll give it a 4.
That’s all for now. I get into tons of screenings, so I’ll be glad to send in more for my adoring public to read through. Now try not to tear me a new one in the talkbacks…..
And that’s it! But boy do we hope to be hearing a lot more from Kristina – maybe even on a weekly basis. Couldn’t you just imagine her with her own column “Guess What’s Boiling My Piss This Week?” or something like that? LOL
Anyway, thanks again Kristina! And to the rest of you, it really is that easy: see a movie, write a few paragraphs regarding your thoughts and then e-mail it to either gazz@stalepopcorn.co.uk or wyverex@stalepopcorn.co.uk and we’ll put it straight up on the site! And that’s it!
9 Responses to “[GUEST REVIEW - 2 of 2] Movie Review: GOOD LUCK CHUCK”
I will not be ignored…..
Who said that?
4? Really, you’re giving it that high of a number.
The sidekick alone gets this thing up to a four. He did entertain me, and a few gags here and there got a chuckle, but overall, the movie is really juvenile and stupid. This flick makes Superbad look like Million Dollar Baby:) I couldn’t give it a three because I gave a little movie I like to call Mary Jane 3 a three earlier this year, and not even Good Luck Chuck was worse than emo Spidey.
I haven’t seen, don’t ever plan to see it, not even for pussy. Superbad was great, so I’d assume any movie, when compared to Good Luck Chuck will look like Million Dollar Baby.
Great review. I wish I could review films like this, as in, properly!
c3a6Uw Hello!,
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