[DVD Review (R2)] PATHOLOGY
Pathology comes to you, the viewer, from the mind of Neveldine and Taylor, the duo that gave us Crank. Crank was a movie that I hated with a passion until I realised I loved it - therefore evidencing once and for all that there IS a degree of realism in those “romantic comedy” conventions of hate-turning-into-love. I digress. The Crank duo are now producing and scripting this: a horrific, turgid, excessive, thrill-less mess of a film that is not horrific enough to be a horror, not thrilling enough to be a thriller and far from dramatic enough to be a drama.
Its inventive and eye-catching poster image aside (see to the right!) this is a film woodenly performed, ineptly scripted and directed to the level that the director Marc Schoelermann struggles to keep you invested in the film itself so just bombards you with lashings of gratuitous nudity, sex, violence and gore (there’s no soft approach to the autopsys shown within the film. What? Like you thought there would be eh?).
But it is a thoroughly uninteresting affair. The days of tits and gore being enough are long gone, for me anyway. And that is all Pathology is. Gorgeous women getting chopped up. If that’s your “bag” then this movie is your Citizen Kane. For the classier types amongst you, The Strangers is out on R1 DVD soon and released at UK cinemas this weekend. I’ve heard very good things about it. You should check that out!
Harvard Medical School graduate Dr. Ted Grey (Milo Ventimiglia - taking uncharismatic, wooden acting to a whole new stratosphere) arrives at one of the nations most prestigious Pathology programs and is quickly noticed by the program’s privileged and elite band of pathology interns who invite him into their crowd. Here he is introduced to Dr. Jake Gallo (Michael Weston), who brings him to a secluded wing, where he and four others indulge in their after-hours, extra-curricular activities… kinky sex, stolen drugs and murdering people in order to challenge each other to find the cause of death at the following day’s autopsy.
Joel Schumacher’s Flatliners was a guilty pleasure. I suggest you check that out. Pathology would love to be considered equal to Flatliners but comes up less as a guilty pleasure and more just guilty of crimes against film. It will make you feel dirty just watching young, good-looking model-types-who-cannot-act fucking over the corpse of a recently murdered obese slob. And not the sort of “dirty” that gives you a sensation in your under-garments.
Pathology is… Oh, who the fuck am I kidding right? Seriously? Who the hell reads my stuff anyway? Kris? Yup, that’s one. How many of you read it and feel like acknowledging the effort went into viewing the film and writing a review for you the reader? How many of you actually took note of the amount of work I put in whilst both Wyv and Kris were away from the site the last week, putting up news and reviews EVERY DAY and the majority of you just sat back, left my work to go uncommented on and thought “Fuck it, ignore him, Wyv and Kris will be back soon!”
I don’t do this for money, I don’t do this for Wyv’s respect (hell, you know you’re aren’t to a hiding to nowhere when he doesn’t even take the time to comment on my work!), I don’t do this for egotistical purposes. I do this out of a passion for a) movies and b) writing. My effort and my work lives and dies by the response from you the reader. When it comes unresponded to it makes you question whether your writing is of worth, whether your opinion is of worth, whether you’re actually being read or appreciated. Is dragging your arse out of bed with a hangover to attend a Sunday morning press screening of Death Race really worth it if everybody would just prefer you weren’t writing?
But now I’m beginning to see that you lot aren’t above having inane conversations about reviews or news items in the talkbacks - just as long as it’s to something I ain’t written! Well, let me not keep you much longer. Here’s your ‘popcorn’ rating for Pathology, you can go now, Wyv or Kris will be along in a moment with some article or review probably worth commenting on! I think I’m going to take a week’s break or something.
This Jerry Maguire moment was brought to you by Gazz - Tired of feeling as if he’s the “back-up arsehole on the end of your elbow”
20 Responses to “[DVD Review (R2)] PATHOLOGY”
No comment.
/Runs away laughing maniacally
Noted!
In all seriousness, this looked pretty poor from the trailer and then suddenly for it to be dumped to DVD only a few months after it’s UK theatrical release (apparently it was released back in April but I don’t remember that!) didn’t talk too highly of it.
But then, I didn’t expect much from the makers of Crank which is a film I hated when I first saw it and still hate now.
I should be consistent in my hatred of CRANK, I know that. It is a film that should not work AT ALL. But it does. It’s just relentless stupid fun - that knows it is!
See, I’m all for “relentless stupid fun” but I just wasn’t entertained by it.
Maybe I should give it another try, but I just can’t bring myself to sit through it again! Not when I have so many other “quality” DVD’s sitting there at home to watch.
I absolutely hated it the first time I saw it! It is a grower though. Most Jason Statham films are! Well, I reserve judgement on DEATH RACE!
I think Jason Statham is just a decent guy, therefore you watch his films and just think, Oh well, at least it’s not Vin Diesel up there.
I LOVE YOU GAZZ!
Well okay, that’s all I need to know! I’m fully revitalised now and ready to end my “break”. Ha Ha. Thanks Kris!
And yes James, I would take Statham over Diesel any day of the week. I have NEVER walked out of a film EVER. I’ve taken toilet breaks and deliberately stretched them out etc. but I’ve never walked out of a film and never came back.
And I’ve seen some shit believe me!
But yesterday I walked out of BABYLON AD after thirty five minutes! And I really don’t feel too bad for it. Just means I don’t have to review it - which, again, is no bad thing coz it means that it won’t be another review ignored by the masses, lol!
No way, man! That bad a movie?
I have also never walked out on a movie, and I sit through some bollocks myself. I’m even toying with the idea of going to see Bangkok Dangerous (the Nic Cage remake) because we have it a week earlier than UK and US in Holland and France! It looks like a Steven Seagal DTV effort. Even Cage looks like Seagal in a DTV in it! I’ll still not walk out though, but damn, even I thought Babylon AD looked iffy.
Apparently, Diesel cooks up a nice rabbit stew in it inbetween killing people though…
PS. Me, Gareth, Grundy and Kristina don’t ignore your reviews, mate. I’m always impressed you can knock out a couple hundred words on everything. I can’t do that, which is why I’ll never make a living from writing!
I’m dying to see Babylon AD. I wanna know just how bad it is.
BABYLON AD just started really badly for me and I just got this sudden realisation pretty early on that it was only going to get worse. It’s the first time I’ve ever sat there and thought “Ahh, **** it!”
From what I’ve heard though the ending is something to be seen for its sheer awfulness!
And James? Thank you very much but, I don’t know whether I’m speaking for Wyv here, in my case it’s not always a case of me being able to “knock out a couple hundred words on everything” … more a case of the DVDs I get sent usually come with a review or send back clause (and I can’t be ****ed with paying out P&P and going down the post office) and the screenings I go to would dry up if I attended but didn’t fulfil the obligation to review them.
BABYLON AD is the first movie ever where I’m trying to find a way of waggling out of writing anything - because I didn’t sit through the whole of the ****er!
But BELIEVE ME there are days and specifically FILMS where I’ve sat through them and thought “What the **** am I going to write about that?” Hence sometimes they’re trivia and tangent heavy ha ha!
What you should just write for your review is “It was cock.” A three word review.
So you enjoyed the film then Gazz
Yeah Claire, Pathology and Babylon AD, what a friggin’ horrific double bill!
Luckily I got sent a copy of the FROST/NIXON screenplay so I was able to clean out my senses with indulging in that. BRILLIANT!
Ah the post watergate film. Looks good have seen a trailer for it. Was babtlon AD really that bad?? Was tempted but not sure I’ll bother now. And am about to commit sacrelidge, saw hellBoy II, it was good, but..didn’t think it was brilliant. And I’ll be wholly disappointed if in the third outing he stays on the good guys side, would just be too tidy.
Babylon AD even
god damn dwarf doing my typing finger’s are too small!
I’ll be honest, I’m still interested in seeing Babylon AD - I’m just not holding out any hope that it’s going to be any good!
OH baby yeah.
I am making a pilgrimage to bear witness to Babylon AD tomorrow after my last class! Don’t say I never did nothin’ fo ya!
Trackbacks
What's Your Opinion?