[DVD Review (R2)] DONKEY PUNCH
I will off-set any complaints from animal lovers straight away - no donkeys are punched within the making of this movie! People drown, get stabbed, get their necks broke, get shot to death with a flare gun, get their shit handed to them via a boat motor used as a chainsaw, but do not worry your pretty little head, no donkeys were harmed. I mean, I’m going to go set a fuckin’ horse on fire when I’m finished writing this review, but within the confines of Olly Blackburn’s seedy little sex-riddled, drugged-up, gore-soaked Brit-thriller there is no barbaric animal mistreatment, you can rest easy!
With Urban Dictionary as my reliable source of reference, I can dutifully inform you that a ‘Donkey Punch’ is in fact when:
“… Whilst participating in either vaginal or anal ‘doggy style’ intercourse, during the instant before the male ejaculates, the penis is inserted (or kept) in the female’s anus, at which point he delivers a swift punch to the back of the female’s cranium. This results in the simultaneous contraction of the anal sphincter and various other muscles in the female, thus producing a tremendous sensation for the male. However, for the technique to render successful, the receiving party must be knocked utterly unconscious.”
Classy huh? Who thinks this shit up? Am I the only bloke that would be thankful just for a girl to lower her standards enough to want to sleep with me, let alone think up crazy, nigh-on psychotic things to do to her whilst I get my shaft wet? On top of all this, I’ve only just recovered from finding out what a bloody ‘Dirty Sanchez’ is. My fragile little mind cannot cope!
After meeting at a nightclub in a Mediterranean resort, seven young adults, four male and three female, decide to continue partying aboard a luxury yacht in the middle of the ocean. But when one of them dies in a freak accident (the “donkey punch” of the title), the others argue about what to do, which leads to a ruthless fight for survival.
Now there’s no getting around the fact that Donkey Punch is a grubby little movie, centred around a grubby central concept that will be off-putting to most. It’s gratuitous in its depiction of all things violent, sexual (most definitely one of the more explicit British flicks out there in this regard) and drug-related. But as a tense thrill ride it really does work.
Olly Blackburn clearly has talent and, as director, he stages things rather commendably. The script is pretty tight too, serving to keep you on your toes by wrong-footing you about just which characters go ‘bad’ and to what extent. When it comes to horror thrillers, maintaining such a quality is very rare. You normally can predict who the bad guy is and in which order the cast will exit their fictional realm. Donkey Punch has originality on its side when it comes to this.
The acting is nothing to shout about though. Jamie Winstone, who I praised in Dead Set, drops her clothes for some relatively hard core sexual activity but, like in most of the things I’ve seen her in (Dead Set aside), you can see the cogs whirling away and she never truly convinces.
This pretty much goes for the rest of the cast who all seem to be very twee, middle-class types “playing” unconvincingly at being “yobs” and “sluts” respectively. Hell, the surviving girls reactions to their friends death is so poorly played that you’d think they’d just discovered someone had farted in their general vacinity rather than found out their best friend had just been killed mid-fuck!
Donkey Punch was a grimy, dirty little viewing experience that - for all the copious sex and gore - I don’t know whether I would readily throw out the term “enjoyable”, but it was most definitely effective and involving. It was very well made and it kept me on my toes as to just what was going on and what would happen next, so I whole-heartedly recommend it in that respect. Think of it as a Dead Calm for thick, council-estate teens!
It does have that awfully awkward quality about it whereby you try and spread good word-of-mouth on it only to have people ask you what it’s about, then when you explain you get some sort of dirty look off people who think you’re “knowledgeable” on such sick shit!
You’d think this would be a cautionary tale for the young women of today about the perils of being promiscous. But, judging from the teens I see out on a Friday or Saturday night, this is probably the sort of film they’ll watch whilst getting ready to go clubbing and sinking glasses of white wine, thinking “Well if dogs like that can pull blokes that good-looking, then I should have no problem tonight!”
*sigh*
Kids eh?
Popcorn Ratings Explained
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6 Responses to “[DVD Review (R2)] DONKEY PUNCH”
They really missed out on the opportunity to call the movie Tony Danza.
I’m not sure I get the reference. Educate me?
It’s basically a donkey punch except when you do it you scream “Who’s the boss!”
So you **** a girl from behind but then punch her in the head and shout “Who’s the boss?”
Are you for real or are you winding me up?
Thus the reason it is called a Tony Danza.
****ing hell.
I just checked Urban Dictionary and this came up:
“…when you are having sex with a girl from behind and you say “who’s the boss”? she will most likely reply “you are”…you then donkey punch her and say “Tony Danza is the boss, bitch, show the man some respect”. a few minutes later, you ask her again and when she says “Tony Danza”, you donkey punch her again and ask her why she is thinking about other men while you two are having sex…”
That’s ****ed up man! Ewww!
Saying that, whilst checking that, I did discover this:
“… The Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza is a hard/math/grind/core band from Arizona. Their song titles have such interesting names as “My Bowling Ball’s Frozen in a Footlocker in Chicago” and “5 Deep On Charlie”…”
Which made me feel a little ‘nicer’!
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