This has sat in my pile of “Great Unwatched” for a couple of months now. The modern throwaway zombie B-movie has no appeal to me any more. I’m just bored by them all now. Coupled with the atrocious reviews this (remake of the George A. Romero classic) has been getting, I just had no interest in wasting even an hour and a half of my time on this. I rather arrogantly assumed that, because Wyv tends to get sent a lot of junky straight-to-DVD stuff and obscure fare, this would bounce up on the site at some point, by his hands. And why the hell not? It’s about time he took one for the team, so to speak.
Kris can provide her own record of torture for the good of Stale Popcorn, but mine in the last 8 weeks alone holds Fool’s Gold, Pathology, Strange Wilderness, The Scorpion King 2 and The Love Guru. I genuinely think it’s about time Wyv put Mona Lisa Smile back in its box and threw himself on the proverbial grenade.
But then, well, combining the fact that a) I got a “review demand” from the people who sent me the screener and b) Wyv sat through the Rollerball remake… in HD, I decided that needs must and I better put something down about this flick.
The first thing that needs to be pointed out is that, to those still harbouring such illusions, this is NOT a sequel, semi-sequel or side-sequel to the really rather brilliant 2004 remake of Dawn of the Dead. Hell, this isn’t really about zombies per se. Just psychos who mutate with some sort of inexplicable virus. Yes, Ving Rhames is present and is essentially channelling the same character from that Dawn of the Dead remake but suggestions that he is playing that character’s ill-fated brother are incorrect. I’m not entirely sure what he is doing here, other then to turn up till his cheque has cleared then throw himself into the mouth of the nearest cannot-call-it-a-zombie-but-you-know-what-I-mean thing.
The DVD cover tells us that the film stars not only Rhames but also, and I quote, “the irrestiable Mena Suvari”. That Suvari is “irrestiable” is news to me and I just wish somebody would keep me up to date about such matters. Since when? I mean, I most certainly have managed to resist her post-American Pie 2 charms in The Mysteries of Pittsburgh, The Garden of Eden, Stuck, Brooklyn Rules, Factory Girl, The Dog Problem, Caffeine, Rumor Has It… Domino, Standing Still and Beauty Shop so when did things change? Next you will tell me that sleeveless denim jackets aren’t cool anymore!
Suvari – who plays a soldier returning to her small Colorado town on quarantine duty as it is overrun by those hit with a virus that turns them into flesh hungry maniacs and has to lead a small group of survivors trying to escape - is so ineffective in her role that she squints and grimaces every time she has to fire a gun. Which she does a lot in this movie. Some “soldier” huh?
She’s ”supported” in this movie by Nick Cannon. Or “Mariah Carey’s Black Butler” to you and I. Cannon is one of the most horrifically annoying screen prescences I have encountered in quite some time. Think back to the first time you saw Chris Tucker. It was quite possibly in The Fifth Element. You got that memory? Right, multiply that nightmare recollection by exactly 26,3289. THAT is how painful Cannon is in this film.
This remake has about as little to do with the original (a film which actually grows on your affections with each viewing) as is possible. In fact it seems to shoehorn things into the film out of a feeling of obligation rather then because it will work with the concept they’re going with – the underground bunker becomes the climactic setting that the characters inexplicably find themselves wandering into (no smalltown Colorado village is truly complete without one!) and Bud makes an appearance; cringeingly introduced as a vegetarian soldier in love with Suvari’s character who is bitten but doesn’t feel any urge to attack because he is… you’ve guessed it… he’s a vegetarian.
If you have even just one small sense of standards and taste then your toes should be curling with embarrassment just from reading this, let alone wasting time watching this thing. And if you’re not embarrassed for this film yet let me definitely tip you over the edge – Dawn of the Dead remake 04 had fast moving zombies so Day of the Dead remake 07 has cannot-call-it-a-zombie-but-you-know-what-I-mean things that leap great distances and run on ceilings. I do indeed make no effort to shit you on this!
This dog turd is directed by Steve Miner – who the IMDB describe as “… not one of Hollywood’s most popular directors, but has had a very popular career in making films and remains one of Hollywood’s most prolific directors…” - who has been responsible for some pretty interesting ‘cult gems’ in his career; Friday The 13th Part 2 (the best in the entire franchise, in my humble opinion. Most certainly the scariest!), Friday The 13th Part 3 (the one that introduced the hockey mask and… erm… was in 3-D), the much loved House (unseen by me!), the actually really rather under-rated Halloween H20 and the awesome cult mini-classic that was Lake Placid. The man clearly isn’t untalented and there’s a couple of brief shots here and there where you see Miner at least trying to do something interesting. But he’s blighted by a script that is nothing short of atrocious in both plot mechanics and dialogue, casting that beggers belief in its sheer awfulness and some beyond questionable special effects sequences.
A solid, intelligent Day of the Dead remake as a sequel to the Dawn of the Dead remake could have been made. It is possible. And it could well have worked. This is not it. This is excrement! This is the cinematic version of being held down and slapped in the face… with a penis.
Steve Miner, sir? You directed Friday The 13th Part 2 and Lake Placid. In memory of such achievements I’m going to give you a ‘popcorn’. But you and I know if you had any sense of honour you’d send it back with a written apology and a photo of Bridget Fonda undressing in her trailer during the making of Lake Placid.
Popcorn Ratings Explained
Posted
on Monday, September 8th, 2008 at 8:17 pm under DVD Reviews (R2) by Gazz.
Tags:DVD Review R2
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3 Responses to “[DVD Review (R2)] DAY OF THE DEAD (2007)”
So ****ing horrible. The modern zombie movies aren’t doing much for me either, though I though Fido was pretty ****ing good. And I’ve heard good things about American Zombie.
Oh and rent House, it’s a great little movie.
SHIT! Grundy agreed with me on something?!?
Someone check the sky and see if it’s about to fall in on us!
Ha Ha. Nah, only kidding! I’m just really glad that I’m not the only one so ****ed off by the modern zombie movie.
Someone was saying to me that Steve Miner walked out of recording an audio commentary for this, and that what’s up there on screen is not what he shot.
Being a big fan of LAKE PLACID and FT13 Part 2, I could buy that!
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