Stale Popcorn » Vin Diesel Will Shout “I Am Relevant!”: World Will Whipser “NO!”

Vin Diesel Will Shout “I Am Relevant!”: World Will Whipser “NO!”

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There was a moment in my sad adolescence where I found Vin Weasel to be a pretty cool guy.  Was it the voice, the chrome dome, or the slightly vacant yet oh-so-menacing stare that did me in?  I don’t quite know, but I remember leaving school early one day with a bunch of friends to see XXX in theaters.  We all had fun with it, despite how utterly stupid it was.  My, what a difference six years can make.  I’m on the verge of graduating college and he’s on the verge of being booted out of Hollywood completely.  The guy needs a hit, badly.  So, what’s a talentless guy like Weasel to do?  Why, do a sequel to one of your popular films, of course!

Variety is reporting that the guys behind the upcoming Terminator 4 are in talks to whip up a script to (pretentious title in 3..2..) XXX: The Return Of Xander Cage.  I’m a little curious to see how he makes said return since his character was KILLED OFF in the second film. Not only are we told that Xander is dead in XXX2 (yes, I watched it, yes it sucks, don’t judge me!), but on the DVD, there’s a scene where we see how Xander dies.  True, the scene featured a body double of Weasel and not the man himself, but the character is dead.  How the hell are they gonna explain this one?  “Whoops, it was all a dream!”  There’s stretching logic and then there’s insulting my intelligence, and this is surely the latter.

15 thoughts on “Vin Diesel Will Shout “I Am Relevant!”: World Will Whipser “NO!”

  1. HAZMAT

    no sam jackson only says hes dead because diesel is living his life with the ugly chick so he gets another xxx…diesel “retired” but he had to explain he was dead because ice cube already knew about the xxx thing from way back

    dude. noone like xxx2.
    the hip hop vibe it had to it made it sooo gay .i HATE rap, and this movie violated my “less then 1 rap song per movie” limit.

    at the end of it i was disappointed at 2 things:

    1) they took out the only thing i liked about xxx…..the rammstein soundtrack

    2) they steal a tank…that was so retarded “yo we gonna steal this tank grand theft auto style biach!” ugh i hated that crap

    HA! the rorschach quote thing is funny as shit

  2. Kristina

    Hazzy, there is a bonus feature on the DVD that shows Xander DYING. It’s even called THE DEATH OF XANDER CAGE. It isn’t something that is merely said. He is DEAD. Look for yourself. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O48rLcHu2Yc

  3. HAZMAT

    kristina
    holy shit that was feur frei

    and…how the **** are they going to have a 3rd one with him in it?

  4. Kristina

    What I don’t get is how that flap of skin could have survived that explosion, and how it flew off of his head. Totally unbelievable.

    But this is a XXX movie we’re talking about.

  5. Grundy

    Having not watched it, I can say he probably faked his death and had a fake neck made and the movie gods magically had the skin flap survive the explosion.

    I’m drunk and was able to come up with that conclusion, what’s you excuse?

  6. Gazz

    You doofs… everybody knows its going to revolve around cloning!

    “Sir, we’ve managed to clone Vin Diesel, the problem is the operation seems to have not cloned his talent!”

    “He never had any in the first place!”

    “In that case, it was an overwhelming success!”

  7. Gareth

    Seriously, the easiest answer is also the most obvious. Samuel L. Jackson only said in the second movie that XXX had died – we had no other proof apart from that. As for the Death Of Xander Cage included on the DVD of XXX2 – well, who says that actually happened? It was a DVD extra, so there is no reason for it to be even considered by the writers if they want to resurrect Cage, simple as that.

    Still, sounds like a horrible idea to me, either way, and as I won’t be bothering to watch it they can bring him back in any way they choose and it won’t have any impact on me. ;)

  8. Gazz

    *sigh* You come in here with your logic and your seriousness and you just kill the vibe! That’s like a fart in the elevator!

    No more comedy XXX3 proposals! :(

    ;) lol

  9. Wesley Willis

    The Rammstein performance of feur frei was the only good scene in the entire movie. As for having him return, they can easily explain it away as that guy being a decoy in Mission:Impossible makeup who was sent there by Sam “mother****er” Jackson to make the bad guys think they killed Xander. That would explain the skin flap. Wow, I already came up with a better plot device than the previous 2 movies combined. I should write for Hollywood.

  10. Wesley Willis

    Speaking of “X”, I’m trying out the new Netflix streaming on the Xbox 360. Love it! The HD streaming looks spectacular.

  11. Gazz

    That’s a VERY extraneous link right there fella, and I should know. I’m the ****in king of them! lol

  12. Wesley Willis

    Speaking of ****ing the king, King of the Hill is ending this season. See what I did there? Did you see it? :D

  13. Gazz

    You know what is also “ending soon”? Well, according to my doctor, it’ll be my bowel complaint!

    See?!? See?!? I will NOT be challenged, sir!

    I am THE KING OF THE TANGENTS!!

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